theyellowhobbit

Allow me to recollect the events of this week. Part of this will be in a friends only entry, and I apologize for that, but it is necessary.
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Wednesday, February 11th

The first night of the show. We had a tiny audience, but the show itself went rather well. Beforehand I decided that I was going to go to the knitting circle, despite impending work. I didn't really have anything due Thursday, it was more a matter of getting everything ready in time for the show. Which I did.
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Thursday, February 12th

I was out on Locust Walk advertising for the show from 2-3. Afterwards Gwen and I went shopping for a present for Alex. I found her an awesome book, which hopefully Alex enjoyed.

Then we had the show. Unfortunately, next door was a sorority who just couldn't shut up. I almost missed my cue to bring out the plates. I did miss keeping a glass backstage for act 2. We covered up. I'm not sure if Sharon drank from that glass and I'm not sure if it was kosher. Oops!

Afterwards I talked to Maurene who helped me feel less stressed and annoyed. Then I went to Fresh Grocer's to buy challah and grape juice for Yosef's meal.I got bac at 1:30. So much for studying!
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Friday, February 13th

I definitely needed the break from backstage work.

I went to RJC services, and somewhere in the beginning I decided I didn't want to use the siddur RJC made and instead wanted to daven with my mini artscroll. It's so weird. I no longer am comfortable in RJC services.

Yosef's dinner was awesome. I was sitting next to Ari Levine, who can sing really well, and I told him that I liked when he sang harmony cause I couldn't do it around them since almost all the guys there are kol isha. So he was like, "Ok, I'll sing harmony more, then." And his harmonies are better than whatever I would have come up with. Also, dialogue between Chuck Boyars and Raphi Levy was amusing.

It ended around 9ish and we hung out for a bit afterwards. Then Yosef and Shlomo went to sleep. At this point Reuven, Elan, and I were in their common room and I decided it would be better to go somewhere else considering that it wasn't our room. So we visited Peretz's room and saw his gumball machine, which is really amusing. Then I went over to animeness.

Sean, Mauruene, and I did another one of those staying up till 7am things. Only this time I didn't have euphoria to keep me going on shabbat. And someof the things Sean said just unitentionally hurt me. I dug my fingers into my arm to distract myself from the emotion of it, though it didn't really work so well.
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Saturday, February 14th

By some miracle after a 2 hour nap I woke up in time for services. My torah reading went well for the first time in a few weeks. It was probablybecause it was only 4 lines long, allowing me to go over it several times. I told David Pollack I wanted haftorah for my birthday weekend.

Shabbat overall kept me in a good mood and distracted me from the fact that it was Valentine's day. Valentine's day alone when you're spending it with a bunch of Obserant Jews who don't celebrate the day isn't so bad. It just that there's still some reminder of my singleness, and it's 5 days before my birthday.

Probably to stop my worrying, a long time ago, people told me that they knew people who were 18 or 19 and still never had boyfriends. That meant that I, at 13 or whatever I was, was normal and that things would happen eventually. Of course, I'm about to be one of those 19 year old girls who has never had a boyfriend. You gotta love the irony.

Of course, that doesn't make me desparate. I suppose If a guy told me he liked me right now I'd be very suspicious. Especially if I didn't expect it.

Ok cut rant, back to chronology.

Saturday night was the final show. We did strike really quickly, and I got to sleep on a couch in the prop shop. The party was fun, though I was really tires, so I left early.

After abnormal psych class yesterday, I decided to put my resolve to the test. I went into the library, because very often Sean is there. And sure enough, he was.

I sat down and talked to him for an hour. Unfortunately, he's still just as nice, sweet, and wonderful as ever. But We had a good conversation. Nothing went awry.

On the subject of bashert {to reply to Ari's response}: One of the things I've considered lately is the fact that in the Reform movement [though I bet Conservative is the same way] if you want to be a rabbi, you can't marry anyone who isn't Jewish. Now considering that, suppose Sean had decided the long distance thing could work. Suppose one day there was talk of me going to Rabbinical school. (Well of course there would be..) Anyways, I'm the kind of person who could never ask someone to convert for me. So I would choose Sean, or maybe some hypothetical other guy, over being a rabbi, though I would still raise my kids Jewish.

Though I have no problems with this decision, maybe G-d really does want me to be a Rabbi. Though that would mean that G-d accepts female Rabbis. I think G-d does...but someone from an Orthodox persepective would probably disagree. But why is it G-d's decision whether I become one and not my decision? How can I possibly be a good Rabbi without being happy first? If I'm supposed to be compassionate when giving advice, I can't very well be self-centered and focusing on my own troubles. Not to say that Sean is the only guy in the world who could ever make me happy...but he was the very first one to accept me for who I am. And I don't know how many other guys will do that. Sean showed me that I am, in fact, loveable, and for that I will be eternally grateful. But how many guys like Sean are there in the world?