The rest of Shabbat...
Feb. 8th, 2004 03:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theyellowhobbitThis morning I got up to learn my torah portion, but my alarm was going off. I couldn't turn it off since it was Shabbat. Learning Torah with blaring music is a difficult task.
Services went ok, though I messed up my Torah, with good reason. Afterwards we had lunch. We were all talking, I went down to the bathroom, and when I came up Josh and most of the others were gone. They went to 303 to see the gumball machine. This guy, Peretz, apparently is a secret engineer god.
Shlomo had to stay, though, because he was moshing [kosher food supervising], kinda, and had to lock up. I stayed and talked to him. At 3 the kitchen staff was done. I took a nap in Hillel lobby until mincha.
After all the shabbat stuff, we had RJC havdallah. Guitar Josh played beforehand for the OCP/CJC service, and I asked him if he wanted to learn the chords to the Debbie Friedman havdallah.
It's hard to teach guitarness to a kol isha boy, because you can't sing the songs, and if you're trying to show where a chord comes rythmically, it's really hard to do it speaking. Somehow I managed.
After havdallah I went to Maurene's. Because I didn't have my penncard with me, I almost didn't get let in. Luckily, I know my number, so it was ok.
We all hung out, had fondue, and played balderdash.
I had Maurene's knitting needle until Sean stole it in self defense. I was kind of immature all night, but only teasingly. Maurene didn't notice, and somehow I managed not to annoy the hell out of Sean. He's far too forgiving. He also has a great collection of really sensitive music. He has that inner romantic side of him, the side I was so close to getting at.
It's funny. Every time I see him, I learn more about him, and to my dismay, I grow to like him more and more. It hurts me. Why can't I start seeing the bad in him as well as the good? I know it's there somewhere. But I feel like if I'm presented with his flaws, I'll just accept them as a part of him, and since they don't outweigh the good, they just add to his personality and make him who he is. Which is wonderful, except that I'm trying to get over him.
There are other males whose company I enjoy. Well obviously there are all my guy friends...And there are guys who I could potentially like. They do exist. But it's weird.
One of the problems is that frum guys are kol isha. Now that I'm using the term twice, I should explain for the goyim...Basically males can't hear the voices of females in song. Talking is fine. Singing is not, unless it's men and women together in a big group, or some people would say at least a big group of women. The problem is that I like to sing, and I'm good at it [kinda]. It's one of the few things I'm confident about. So I can't share that with frum guys.
The other thing is the whole shomer thing, which I guess isn't really that big a deal. That, and because I want to be a rabbi, that might automatically make me off limits to frum guys. I'm not sure. I suppose I could give it up if it came down to it. After all, I would have done that for Sean. And by would have, I mean still will. But is there that much difference between marrying someone Orthodox and not being a rabbi and marrying someone not Jewish and not being a rabbi? I mean especially if I still keep all the halacha I'm keeping now and raise the kids Jewish and everything.
I should probably go to sleep now, as it is 4:15am.
Services went ok, though I messed up my Torah, with good reason. Afterwards we had lunch. We were all talking, I went down to the bathroom, and when I came up Josh and most of the others were gone. They went to 303 to see the gumball machine. This guy, Peretz, apparently is a secret engineer god.
Shlomo had to stay, though, because he was moshing [kosher food supervising], kinda, and had to lock up. I stayed and talked to him. At 3 the kitchen staff was done. I took a nap in Hillel lobby until mincha.
After all the shabbat stuff, we had RJC havdallah. Guitar Josh played beforehand for the OCP/CJC service, and I asked him if he wanted to learn the chords to the Debbie Friedman havdallah.
It's hard to teach guitarness to a kol isha boy, because you can't sing the songs, and if you're trying to show where a chord comes rythmically, it's really hard to do it speaking. Somehow I managed.
After havdallah I went to Maurene's. Because I didn't have my penncard with me, I almost didn't get let in. Luckily, I know my number, so it was ok.
We all hung out, had fondue, and played balderdash.
I had Maurene's knitting needle until Sean stole it in self defense. I was kind of immature all night, but only teasingly. Maurene didn't notice, and somehow I managed not to annoy the hell out of Sean. He's far too forgiving. He also has a great collection of really sensitive music. He has that inner romantic side of him, the side I was so close to getting at.
It's funny. Every time I see him, I learn more about him, and to my dismay, I grow to like him more and more. It hurts me. Why can't I start seeing the bad in him as well as the good? I know it's there somewhere. But I feel like if I'm presented with his flaws, I'll just accept them as a part of him, and since they don't outweigh the good, they just add to his personality and make him who he is. Which is wonderful, except that I'm trying to get
There are other males whose company I enjoy. Well obviously there are all my guy friends...And there are guys who I could potentially like. They do exist. But it's weird.
One of the problems is that frum guys are kol isha. Now that I'm using the term twice, I should explain for the goyim...Basically males can't hear the voices of females in song. Talking is fine. Singing is not, unless it's men and women together in a big group, or some people would say at least a big group of women. The problem is that I like to sing, and I'm good at it [kinda]. It's one of the few things I'm confident about. So I can't share that with frum guys.
The other thing is the whole shomer thing, which I guess isn't really that big a deal. That, and because I want to be a rabbi, that might automatically make me off limits to frum guys. I'm not sure. I suppose I could give it up if it came down to it. After all, I would have done that for Sean. And by would have, I mean still will. But is there that much difference between marrying someone Orthodox and not being a rabbi and marrying someone not Jewish and not being a rabbi? I mean especially if I still keep all the halacha I'm keeping now and raise the kids Jewish and everything.
I should probably go to sleep now, as it is 4:15am.
