(no subject)

I survived the GREs. The bus was late. I had a bit of trouble finding the suite. But still I got there early, and had some time to relax.

I started the test. After the 2 essays, I got a 10 minute break. So I left to go to the bathroom, and the bathrooms are outside of the suite. Unfortunately, when I walked back the door was locked. I spent some time knocking on the door and panicking, since you get penalized if you go over your 10 minutes. Eventually someone let me in, I grabbed a quick bite to eat, and went back in.

Since the GREs are a computer test, you find out your scores right away.

I got a 700 in math.
I got a 570 in verbal.

Obviously I should have started studying sooner. But even so, I don't know how much it would have helped. I lack the ability to do well on analogies. It's just not my thing. Though maybe I could have gotten more of the antonyms right had I known more words and their meanings. Unfortunately you can't omit questions on the GREs.

Now I feel like all of the time that I did put into the GREs (Friday busride, Sunday night, Monday, and Tuesday) was wasted. I isolated myself and put myself through this insanity for nothing. And now I have to do even more work on the thesis. I need around 2000 words today if I really want to take NaThWriMo seriously. But I still need to do more research, and that doesn't count towards my word count.

When I got to the anthro museum after the test, I checked my e-mail. I received an e-mail back from the director of the Ein Gedi dig.

( the e-mail )

Sorry to waste your time, maric23. But I do appreciate your help.

I probably can't volunteer, because that costs money, and I've used up all of my grant sources. So unless someone is really nice and wants to buy me a round-trip ticket to Israel, there's no way I'm going this winter. I've been fighting against the inevitable.

I suppose I'm no worse off than I was before on that one, but I feel kind of embarrassed that I asked about staff positions, even though it wasn't like I did anything wrong.

Now I feel doubly disappointed. The Ein Gedi thing just added insult to injury.

I know that I have the ability to write a really great thesis that will impress grad schools. I know that my grades are pretty good, especially within my major. I'm coming from a good school. I have a lot going for me, but still the GREs make me feel stupid. They feel like an immutable assesment of my thinking processes, an evaluation of my inherent intelligence (or lack thereof). I know in reality this is not the case, that the GREs only evaluate how good you are at taking the GREs. I have no problem reading anthropological sources and understanding them and discussing them. I have no problem interviewing people and doing ethnographies. I'm good at digging, and recording, and taking elevations, and washing pottery and bones. And waking up at 4:45 AM. Shouldn't all of those things matter more than the 570 in verbal?

Bar Ilan, Hebrew U., and Harvard Divinity do not require GRE scores. If I only applied to these 3 programs I might be able to get away with not retaking the GREs and subjecting myself to this torture again.

I really should take the rest of the evening off and relax after my mashing shift is open. But I doubt that is going to happen.

Decemberists

desh had mentioned a bunch of concerts he was going to, among them the Decemberists. platypuses was going to that concert with him, and said I should come. I was like "sure." But then forgot all about it and never got a ticket and figured that I just wasn't going. I had never heard of the Decemberists before, so it wasn't such a big deal.

platypuses called me 10 minutes ago and said she had an extra ticket and asked if I wanted to come along!

So I'm going with them. Basically I'll finish mashing in 15 minutes, grab a quick bite to eat, put my stuff in my apartment and then meet them on Chestnut street. I could theoretically skip dinner, except that with the GREs (and the crazy being locked out thing) I never had lunch. Unless you call 3 baby carrots and half a granola bar lunch.

So yay! I get to do something relaxing after all!

(My thesis might not be so happy, and I might be accused of neglecting it, but at this point I don't really care. I guess if you hear it crying you could give it a book or something...)