Take a deep breath...

I wrote it. I wrote one of the hardest parts to write, or at least hardest thus far. I think it'll all be easier from here. I might get to a boring part, or a deep introspective part, but nothing can compare to what I just had to write. And now it's on my page, and I can breathe again, and I can keep on writing and I don't have to look back.

Meanwhile I only have 3735 words, and I'm only on September 2003. [The story goes chronologically from August '03 until now.] This will be a while.

(no subject)

4092 words, minus the footnotes [I have footnotes!]

that does include an epilogue, which i wrote now, rather than later, because it was easy and it gave me more words and i like it.


**edit: 4246, including footnotes, not including the epilogue, which is now in a separate document. W00t!**

If only I could stop the sun from setting...

It was a nice day out, but now it's dark and windy. 403 has their window open and I can hear the wind howling.

I've been attempting environmental studies and Spirit & Law for the past hour or so. I'm switching back and forth between the 2. I've done 2 problems of ENVS [but the second one was really 6 problems] and 2 out of 3 readings for spirit & law, but none of the response stuff I should be doing. I think she wanted us to compare it to the Kuzari reading, which I forgot to bring with me. Maybe I can wing it for now, and add stuff in later. But I need both ENVS and S&L done tonight, so I can hand them in by 11 or 12, respectively.

I also have the Ruderman midterm, which I've barely started. I've done some of the reading, and I'm highlighting key points.

My throat still hurts, I'm in pain, and there isn't enough light in 403. Not to mention that Yosef and Bryna are sick, and Ari Levine is gone [www.Ari_Levine.net, it's dot gone]. I'm thinking of takingg a writing break right now. Or maybe I should switch gears and work on the midterm.

Or maybe I need a stroll around the highrise. Or a hug.

A story and a question for those who believe in G-d

So I was at SNL tonight despite my sickness [Simone and I only have 1 chapter to finish before the Siyum we're learning for, and we're meeting next week, which is before the siyum, so b'ezrat Hashem we will finish on time...] and put myself in quarantine. I didn't go anywhere near the food, and I even had Becky get me a cup, so I wouldn't get germs on the other cups.

I strained my voice a lot, since I read all the English aloud. I was kind-of hoping Simone would do both Hebrew and English, but then again, she didn't have a translated book because there are only 2 in the Beit Midrash and another chevruta is learningg the same thing we are. So I had to read half, out loud, with my quite dead voice.

(Actually my voice is on vacation in Costa Rica, but it got lost, since they don't have addresses there. I may have to go and fetch it at some point.)

So then I went downstairs to daven ma'ariv. When we got up to the Shmoneh Esrei [the most important prayer in Jewish davening, we first praise G-d, and then request things from Him for all Jews, and then for ourselves if we have a need] an itch came to my throat. I tried not to cough, considering that everyone was praying silently and I would probably distract them. But I had to cough. I was at the 4th prayer out of 19. I coughed a few times, ran to the back of the room to get a sip of water, and then ran out completely to cough some more where I would be less audible.

Then, thinking I was ok for now, and my throat was not hurting just enough to manage a shmoneh esrei, I came back and started again. By now everyone else was finishing [they were all davening quicker than me to begin with]. The shmoneh esrei starts out, ironically enough, with the words "Hashem, open my lips that my mouth may declare Your glory."

I got to the 4th prayer, and the itch in my throat came up again, but I pushed on. Of course, I usually add my own prayers in the middle of shema koleinu, but I cut it short because everyone else was completely done with services, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold out.

I'm wondering if G-d didn't want me to address Him, or maybe that he didn't want me to the first time, because maybe I would have prayed for something He didn't want me to pray for. Maybe if I had been able to pray round 1, He would have listened... Is that a ridiculous idea?