A story and a question for those who believe in G-d

[theyellowhobbit]

So I was at SNL tonight despite my sickness [Simone and I only have 1 chapter to finish before the Siyum we're learning for, and we're meeting next week, which is before the siyum, so b'ezrat Hashem we will finish on time...] and put myself in quarantine. I didn't go anywhere near the food, and I even had Becky get me a cup, so I wouldn't get germs on the other cups.

I strained my voice a lot, since I read all the English aloud. I was kind-of hoping Simone would do both Hebrew and English, but then again, she didn't have a translated book because there are only 2 in the Beit Midrash and another chevruta is learningg the same thing we are. So I had to read half, out loud, with my quite dead voice.

(Actually my voice is on vacation in Costa Rica, but it got lost, since they don't have addresses there. I may have to go and fetch it at some point.)

So then I went downstairs to daven ma'ariv. When we got up to the Shmoneh Esrei [the most important prayer in Jewish davening, we first praise G-d, and then request things from Him for all Jews, and then for ourselves if we have a need] an itch came to my throat. I tried not to cough, considering that everyone was praying silently and I would probably distract them. But I had to cough. I was at the 4th prayer out of 19. I coughed a few times, ran to the back of the room to get a sip of water, and then ran out completely to cough some more where I would be less audible.

Then, thinking I was ok for now, and my throat was not hurting just enough to manage a shmoneh esrei, I came back and started again. By now everyone else was finishing [they were all davening quicker than me to begin with]. The shmoneh esrei starts out, ironically enough, with the words "Hashem, open my lips that my mouth may declare Your glory."

I got to the 4th prayer, and the itch in my throat came up again, but I pushed on. Of course, I usually add my own prayers in the middle of shema koleinu, but I cut it short because everyone else was completely done with services, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold out.

I'm wondering if G-d didn't want me to address Him, or maybe that he didn't want me to the first time, because maybe I would have prayed for something He didn't want me to pray for. Maybe if I had been able to pray round 1, He would have listened... Is that a ridiculous idea?

Comments

[lopaanre.livejournal.com]

Are we talking about Saturday Night Live?

[sen-ichi-rei.livejournal.com]

Yes, Jon. I went to Saturday Night Live, in NYC, on a Sunday night.

SNL= Sunday Night Learning. We do it every Sunday night. I'm in charge of ordering and setting up food. We get approximately 120 people each week, so there's a lot of food to be set up.

[yaldat-chayil.livejournal.com]

Rachel, I'm more skeptical than a lot of Jews I know, but I can't imagine any circumstances under which God would want to stop you from davening.
Also, why would you stop just because everyone else was done? So you started later. It's not like you'd be bothering anyone.

Feel better.

[sen-ichi-rei.livejournal.com]

I wasn't going to stop davening, but I felt rushed because if everyone was done, and left, I would have no one to walk me back [it was only 9:30, but lately people have been getting mugged that early, and I live off-campus]. Fortunately Reuven stuck around.

As for G-d perhaps not wanting me to daven, I'll try and find the source- I learned it this summer at Drisha:

Ima Shalom was R. Eliezer's wife. and
sister to R. Gamaliel. From the time of
this incident onwards she did not permit
him to fall upon his face. [to say tachanun] Now a certain
day happened to be New Moon, but she
mistook a full month for a defective
one.' Others say. a poor man came and
stood at the door, and she took out some
bread to him. [On her return] she found
him fallen on his face. 'Arise,' she cried
out to him, 'thou hast slain my brother.'
In the meanwhile an announcement was
made from the house of Rabban Gamaliel
that he had died- 'whence dost thou know
it?' he questioned her. 'I have this
tradition from my father's house: All
gates are locked, excepting the gates of
wounded feelings.'
(Bava Metzia, 59:b)

Ok, that wasn't G-d there, but it was a case that when Rabbi Eliezer was allowed to daven, he caused someone else's death. [It comes at the very end of the oven of Aknai story]

Granted, I wasn't going to daven for anything bad to happen to anyone, but maybe something good that I would have davened for might have happened, except that it wasn't supposed to happen yet, or something. I don't know. This whole thing just reminded me of that Gemara.

[prezzey.livejournal.com]

This is ...whoa.

I just arrived home from a class... where we were supposed to be discussing ecological psychology, but... I was reading Aryeh Kaplan on my notebook ^^;; and this very story came up.

I'll comment at length later on but I have to take some books back to the library. TTYL. (Also, check your e-mail!)

[son-of-paladin.livejournal.com]

"A story and a question for those who believe in G-d"

The pronoun is the object of that sentence, not the subject. They're believing, not being believed.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whom

Sorry, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, it's just that using the word "whom" where it shouldn't be used is probably one of my biggest pet peeves.

[sen-ichi-rei.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It's edited now.

I should stick to my usual pattern of avoiding using "whom" completely. Though that one also gets me into trouble.

[batshua]

I've heard such stories, and I don't know what I believe, but I'll say this.

I don't think The Big H wants to keep you for davening. Unless, of course, you were going to daven for something selfish or silly or otherwise inappropriate, but I don't think you'd do that.

[sen-ichi-rei.livejournal.com]

I don't daven for selfish things that would hurt other people, but sometimes I daven for things that might not be so helpful to myself. I'll have to put it in a friends only entry.

[batshua]

I can understand that. Sometimes I pray for things that I think are good for me and later realize they're not.