some words
Apr. 6th, 2005 11:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theyellowhobbitOk. Fine. A little update.
Last week was the week from hell. I've been getting over my depression since after my mom's birthday [march 19th]. But the damage had already been done. The vice provost of the university wanted to kick me out for the rest of the semester, because she thought i was a horrible problem child who was crazy and should be in a mental hospital or something. meanwhile, I've been fine for the past few weeks, came to a lot of important realizations [a bunch which my friend Ari Gilder {not to be confused with Ari Levine} helped me with] and have been feeling pretty good.
So my parents had to fly down, and it was this whole mess, but I held up pretty well, and now have a single in Sansom place west.
I also realized that it was good not to be in North. It had swallowed my entire existence. Everything I did was jewish. Although it's good to incorporate halacha into your life, someone who is a baal teshuva can't get rid of his entire identity. it just doesn't work. you'll go crazy and lose yourself like i did.
I realize now there were all these things i loved that I had comepletely forgot about. I love seeing plays. I love playing guitar. I love cats. I love nature.
So next year I'm living with Ilana Cowen, a grad student friend of mine, in Hillel Deutsch's apartment. It has 2 bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a really long common room which is annoying, but really really good for making huge 30 person meals. And I do that all the time. So it's the perfect Rachel apartment.
And the lease says we can have a cat. And Ilana likes cats. So we may get a cat.
The entire time I've had my faith in G-d. I've questioned why He would put me through such an ordeal, but I knew it was Him putting me through this, and that even if He wouldn't change my fate, He might at least make me happier with it. Which I am. Because I've found myself.
It's a little lonely here, but I'll manage. I can live in Hillel like I did last year.
Last week was the week from hell. I've been getting over my depression since after my mom's birthday [march 19th]. But the damage had already been done. The vice provost of the university wanted to kick me out for the rest of the semester, because she thought i was a horrible problem child who was crazy and should be in a mental hospital or something. meanwhile, I've been fine for the past few weeks, came to a lot of important realizations [a bunch which my friend Ari Gilder {not to be confused with Ari Levine} helped me with] and have been feeling pretty good.
So my parents had to fly down, and it was this whole mess, but I held up pretty well, and now have a single in Sansom place west.
I also realized that it was good not to be in North. It had swallowed my entire existence. Everything I did was jewish. Although it's good to incorporate halacha into your life, someone who is a baal teshuva can't get rid of his entire identity. it just doesn't work. you'll go crazy and lose yourself like i did.
I realize now there were all these things i loved that I had comepletely forgot about. I love seeing plays. I love playing guitar. I love cats. I love nature.
So next year I'm living with Ilana Cowen, a grad student friend of mine, in Hillel Deutsch's apartment. It has 2 bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a really long common room which is annoying, but really really good for making huge 30 person meals. And I do that all the time. So it's the perfect Rachel apartment.
And the lease says we can have a cat. And Ilana likes cats. So we may get a cat.
The entire time I've had my faith in G-d. I've questioned why He would put me through such an ordeal, but I knew it was Him putting me through this, and that even if He wouldn't change my fate, He might at least make me happier with it. Which I am. Because I've found myself.
It's a little lonely here, but I'll manage. I can live in Hillel like I did last year.
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no subject
Date: 2005-04-06 09:54 pm (UTC)Yep its good to get back in touch with the things you love. You can be orthodox and still do wonderful things like see plays, strum the guitar, lie in the sun on a grassy knoll, and play with cats. Especially play with cats. Plus alone space is a wonderful thing. Its nice to have somewhere to come back to where you don't have to deal with anyone else, someplace just for you, where you come first.
Plus then you can come out and visit the fun and crazy non-Jews of penn. I know we are sadly lacking in the torah department, but I do have a fuzzy flannel blankie with cows and piggies and sheepies on it...
no subject
Date: 2005-04-07 08:55 am (UTC)Your roommate solution sounds like a good one. Also, for a pick-me-up, is there a chance you could go to Eretz Yisroel this summer? Or secondarily, a learning program in the States?
no subject
Date: 2005-04-07 10:00 am (UTC)But yeah. Hopefully I'll get into Morasha's BMP [99% sure that I will, they've pretty muh told me yes, i have to finalize it today]. Otherwise for sure I'd be learning in Israel. and if not this summer in Israel, I'm for sure going over december break, because I haven't been there in a year and it's driving me crazy! [for one thing, I'm running out of clothes...]
no subject
Date: 2005-04-07 10:10 am (UTC)I've never heard of Morasha. I was going to recommend my own alma mater, She'arim. It's a warm and fuzzy, Torahdigge sem.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-09 10:27 pm (UTC)morasha is an orthodox summer camp in northern pennsylvania. it has a beis midrash program for college age girls, which pays a 100$ or so stipend [which is insanely awesome, since i'd be learning for FREE for 2 months]
i should be finding out tomorrow...
Morasha sounds great!
Date: 2005-04-10 11:04 am (UTC)Hashem should bless you that it works out!
Yes, She'arim is in Israel. Just from your writing, I'm pretty sure you would LOVE it. I highly recommend you meet its founder and director, Rebbetzin Pavlov. Her mother lives in Philadelphia, and she visits her regularly. If you're interested in meeting her, I can find out when she's next in the States.