some words
Apr. 6th, 2005 11:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theyellowhobbitOk. Fine. A little update.
Last week was the week from hell. I've been getting over my depression since after my mom's birthday [march 19th]. But the damage had already been done. The vice provost of the university wanted to kick me out for the rest of the semester, because she thought i was a horrible problem child who was crazy and should be in a mental hospital or something. meanwhile, I've been fine for the past few weeks, came to a lot of important realizations [a bunch which my friend Ari Gilder {not to be confused with Ari Levine} helped me with] and have been feeling pretty good.
So my parents had to fly down, and it was this whole mess, but I held up pretty well, and now have a single in Sansom place west.
I also realized that it was good not to be in North. It had swallowed my entire existence. Everything I did was jewish. Although it's good to incorporate halacha into your life, someone who is a baal teshuva can't get rid of his entire identity. it just doesn't work. you'll go crazy and lose yourself like i did.
I realize now there were all these things i loved that I had comepletely forgot about. I love seeing plays. I love playing guitar. I love cats. I love nature.
So next year I'm living with Ilana Cowen, a grad student friend of mine, in Hillel Deutsch's apartment. It has 2 bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a really long common room which is annoying, but really really good for making huge 30 person meals. And I do that all the time. So it's the perfect Rachel apartment.
And the lease says we can have a cat. And Ilana likes cats. So we may get a cat.
The entire time I've had my faith in G-d. I've questioned why He would put me through such an ordeal, but I knew it was Him putting me through this, and that even if He wouldn't change my fate, He might at least make me happier with it. Which I am. Because I've found myself.
It's a little lonely here, but I'll manage. I can live in Hillel like I did last year.
Last week was the week from hell. I've been getting over my depression since after my mom's birthday [march 19th]. But the damage had already been done. The vice provost of the university wanted to kick me out for the rest of the semester, because she thought i was a horrible problem child who was crazy and should be in a mental hospital or something. meanwhile, I've been fine for the past few weeks, came to a lot of important realizations [a bunch which my friend Ari Gilder {not to be confused with Ari Levine} helped me with] and have been feeling pretty good.
So my parents had to fly down, and it was this whole mess, but I held up pretty well, and now have a single in Sansom place west.
I also realized that it was good not to be in North. It had swallowed my entire existence. Everything I did was jewish. Although it's good to incorporate halacha into your life, someone who is a baal teshuva can't get rid of his entire identity. it just doesn't work. you'll go crazy and lose yourself like i did.
I realize now there were all these things i loved that I had comepletely forgot about. I love seeing plays. I love playing guitar. I love cats. I love nature.
So next year I'm living with Ilana Cowen, a grad student friend of mine, in Hillel Deutsch's apartment. It has 2 bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a really long common room which is annoying, but really really good for making huge 30 person meals. And I do that all the time. So it's the perfect Rachel apartment.
And the lease says we can have a cat. And Ilana likes cats. So we may get a cat.
The entire time I've had my faith in G-d. I've questioned why He would put me through such an ordeal, but I knew it was Him putting me through this, and that even if He wouldn't change my fate, He might at least make me happier with it. Which I am. Because I've found myself.
It's a little lonely here, but I'll manage. I can live in Hillel like I did last year.
