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So the countdown begins...
Jan. 25th, 2004 01:57 amI learned this evening that housing is due February 2nd. And I am still no closer to finding roommates. I've been trying to be more positive for Josh and everyone, but there are some things that ruin my resolve. Try as I may, I can't stop myself from crying.
I know it is irrational. I have so many good things in my life right now. But this affects so much, at least for next year.
Rachel Gross says I should go in by myself. But that really scares me, because I will have no clue who the heck I end up with. I suppose I could get really nice people, but I could also end up with someone not so nice. Things right now are ok, but my roommate and I have nothing in common. I want to room with someone I can talk to more naturally.
And I know it's all a logistical thing, and I do have friends, but it still bothers me that I couldn't find ANYONE to room with. I mean, I know there's nothing wrong with me, and I tell myself that, but it hurts. The fact that I will have to go into this completely blind, without anyone to be there with me. No one can do anything. Of all people, why does this have to happen to me?
I'm sorry Josh. I really am. I really am trying to be happy, I promise. But sometimes there are things out of your control, which you can't just give up on. If a class is hard, I can drop it. If I keep on not getting into performing groups, I can either work harder, or stop trying out. If a guy I like doesn't like me that way, I can live. But I can't just not have a room. I can't. There's no alternative course of action I can fall back on. There's nothing I can do. And I hate not being in control this time. Just give me some option. Something I can actively do.
Rachel also says not to let it get me down. I know. I just feel ridiculous, I know it's not my fault, or anyone's. I just wish I had a better solution than going in blind.
I know it is irrational. I have so many good things in my life right now. But this affects so much, at least for next year.
Rachel Gross says I should go in by myself. But that really scares me, because I will have no clue who the heck I end up with. I suppose I could get really nice people, but I could also end up with someone not so nice. Things right now are ok, but my roommate and I have nothing in common. I want to room with someone I can talk to more naturally.
And I know it's all a logistical thing, and I do have friends, but it still bothers me that I couldn't find ANYONE to room with. I mean, I know there's nothing wrong with me, and I tell myself that, but it hurts. The fact that I will have to go into this completely blind, without anyone to be there with me. No one can do anything. Of all people, why does this have to happen to me?
I'm sorry Josh. I really am. I really am trying to be happy, I promise. But sometimes there are things out of your control, which you can't just give up on. If a class is hard, I can drop it. If I keep on not getting into performing groups, I can either work harder, or stop trying out. If a guy I like doesn't like me that way, I can live. But I can't just not have a room. I can't. There's no alternative course of action I can fall back on. There's nothing I can do. And I hate not being in control this time. Just give me some option. Something I can actively do.
Rachel also says not to let it get me down. I know. I just feel ridiculous, I know it's not my fault, or anyone's. I just wish I had a better solution than going in blind.
