Spiritual Highs
Feb. 26th, 2006 01:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theyellowhobbitEdit: I'm making this one public. This was before I talked to Rabbi Mike. Maybe this can convince you all I'm not in it for the compliments.
Before JITW I hadn't had a really good spiritual high in G-d knows how long. Which is why the reintegration part was so darn hard. Yay, I get to go to OCP services where there's no kavanah and people mumble the words and no one gives a damn! Just what I always wanted. I could have nice services once a semester, and the rest of the time I would just have to deal.
Unfortunately, that isn't a good enough solution for me.
So I decided to lead CJC kabbalat shabbat this Friday night.
I decided to use the long lost lecha dodi, but other than that I hadn't really thought much about what else I would do. Beforehand I drank water, warmed up a tad, picked a key for the Romeimu thing [which goes so high!] but that was pretty much it. Oh yeah, and I decided to dress up, though I still wore sneakers.
Oh my G-d. It was the most amazing experience ever. Somehow it was just so powerful. Being able to pour in my heart and my soul, and seeing my energy multiplied, and it felt so right! It took an extra stanza to get everyone to the other lecha dodi, but in the end it worked out. And I was shaking afterwards. Shaking. And I continued to shake all through ma'ariv. And even into Friday night dinner.
And I decided, although I don't identify as Conservative, I just felt so much more right here. I was ok with the mixed seating since![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
platypuses sat between me and Andrew, so it was fine [I don't feel comfortable sitting next to guys during davening.]. And I got to wear cynara_linnaea's tallis.
And then on Saturday, when I usually skip ma'ariv to clean up shalshuddis/be not davening,cynara_linnaea asked if I was counting myself again. I guess I am now, because I told her yes, and was CJC's 10th person for their minyan. And that also felt good.
For all that I was afraid of everyone in OCP finding out, I stopped caring as much. I did leave early on Friday night to collect people downstairs and let them know I was around [CJC finishes a good deal later than OCP]. But that was more so people didn't get lost.
I think I might start reading Torah again. Maybe I'm traditional egal. My ideal minyan would still have a mechitza, or a meshlitza, but I realized that CJC is closer to what I want than OCP. And going to he "frummer" option isn't always the best idea. And it doesn't guarantee comfort.
Before JITW I hadn't had a really good spiritual high in G-d knows how long. Which is why the reintegration part was so darn hard. Yay, I get to go to OCP services where there's no kavanah and people mumble the words and no one gives a damn! Just what I always wanted. I could have nice services once a semester, and the rest of the time I would just have to deal.
Unfortunately, that isn't a good enough solution for me.
So I decided to lead CJC kabbalat shabbat this Friday night.
I decided to use the long lost lecha dodi, but other than that I hadn't really thought much about what else I would do. Beforehand I drank water, warmed up a tad, picked a key for the Romeimu thing [which goes so high!] but that was pretty much it. Oh yeah, and I decided to dress up, though I still wore sneakers.
Oh my G-d. It was the most amazing experience ever. Somehow it was just so powerful. Being able to pour in my heart and my soul, and seeing my energy multiplied, and it felt so right! It took an extra stanza to get everyone to the other lecha dodi, but in the end it worked out. And I was shaking afterwards. Shaking. And I continued to shake all through ma'ariv. And even into Friday night dinner.
And I decided, although I don't identify as Conservative, I just felt so much more right here. I was ok with the mixed seating since
platypuses sat between me and Andrew, so it was fine [I don't feel comfortable sitting next to guys during davening.]. And I got to wear cynara_linnaea's tallis.And then on Saturday, when I usually skip ma'ariv to clean up shalshuddis/be not davening,
cynara_linnaea asked if I was counting myself again. I guess I am now, because I told her yes, and was CJC's 10th person for their minyan. And that also felt good.For all that I was afraid of everyone in OCP finding out, I stopped caring as much. I did leave early on Friday night to collect people downstairs and let them know I was around [CJC finishes a good deal later than OCP]. But that was more so people didn't get lost.
I think I might start reading Torah again. Maybe I'm traditional egal. My ideal minyan would still have a mechitza, or a meshlitza, but I realized that CJC is closer to what I want than OCP. And going to he "frummer" option isn't always the best idea. And it doesn't guarantee comfort.
