2 very long conversations

[theyellowhobbit]

The conversation with Jon went on until about 1 am or so, and it ended with Jon asking me how I felt about him not sharing any of my religious beliefs.

I didn't know how to answer, considering that anything I said could make him like Judaism even less [if this were even possible]. I didn't want to give a bad response.

Since I was also talking to Shlomo about the whole brother thing, I asked him what I should say. Of course, he had no answer.

So I wrote Jon a really long e-mail [which I showed Shlomo first and was like "help!" He liked it.]

And Jon wrote me back a really long e-mail.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Dear Jonathan,

I feel ambivalent about you not wanting to be Jewish anymore. Part of me,
wanting to be the tolerant left-wing hippie that I've always been, thinks I
should just tell you "mazel tov on finding your path to happiness through
science." However, that is not what I actually believe.

Your beliefs are your own, they make you the person that you are. Of course I'm
not going to wish you were a different person. But at the same time, I don't
approve of you not being Jewish.

I'd never want you to be something you didn't want to be, but at the same time
I wish you wanted to be Jewish.

Judaism has given me so much. It has helped me to grow as a person. Maybe part
of that is who I am. Even if I used to think that the Torah was not valid, I
have always believed in G-d. I have always prayed to G-d to help me, to guide
me, and to make everything alright. Sometimes this worked, sometimes it didn't,
but I realized that I couldn't base my belief of G-d on what happened to me. So
it changed to me believing that maybe G-d didn't like me when things went
wrong.

Now I see that there's more too it than that. I believe that G-d has a reason
for everything. G-d isn't going to give me everything I want. However, I've
learned that if I pray hard enough, G-d changes my outlook on things. G-d has
let me rebuild myself with a strong foundation. Things that used to make me
depressed for weeks now affect me at first, but I recover a lot more quickly. I
see that in itself as a miracle even if the situation itself never gets any
better.

I also think it was destiny that I came here to this college where Reform life
was lacking. If it had been only a question of community, I would have stayed
conservative. And if it were only about the last guy I liked, I probably would
have gone back to conservative. I wouldn't be shomer nagiah right now. I would
still sing in front of guys. But the fact is that I'm Orthodox now. There's
more to it than community or guys. It's my fundemental beliefs.

I wish I could show you why I love Judaism. To take you to a kabbalat shabbat
service where you could see everyone singing and dancing and connecting to G-d
in such a powerful way. I guess I had to start by loving that, and by loving
the community, before I was moved to learn the history. The history made me
fall in love with Judaism more. Then I realized I myself could not love Judaism
and not keep the laws without losing my integrity. I don't do everything yet,
but that is because I am taking things slowly in order that I don't feel
overwhelmed and give up. I really do not want to give up on Orethodoxy, even if
it's hard. It's easy for me at Penn, but I know it will be extremely
challenging in Barrington.

Now I know I sound like a crazy fundamentalist preacher. Maybe I am one.

I do recognize though that the choices I have made are not for everyone. Even
if
I want you to be Jewish, I would never say "Be shomer!" or "keep kosher outside
of the house" [I would even say I didn't care within the house had the 'rents
not kashered the kitchen]. I think belief in G-d is what it all comes down to.

But I can't tell you to believe in G-d. No one can change anyone's beliefs
against that person's consent, nor do they have the right to. I don't know why
I grew up believing and you didn't. I don't know why I connected with G-d and
you didn't. I don't know why science is not enough for me. I'm not against it
now. I just think I can be both Modern and Orthodox, hence the term Modern
Orthodoxy.

Of course there are things that I may not agree with. But I don't need to agree
with everything. My friend Yosef once said to me that it was more about
choosing the system. Every system has good things and bad things. I think
Modern Orthodoxy is the best system for me. I'm sure atheism is lacking in some
way. I don't know how it is though. I do know, however, that you are missing
out on something great, and even if you don't want to be Jewish, at least don't
deny your future kids the chance to be lead a Jewish life.

I still love you. I still care about you. I don't love you any less for not
wanting to be Jewish. I just feel regret for all that you will miss out on in
life.

Love,

Rachel


[Dear Rachel,]

I'm really happy that you've found something that has made your life much
better. Don't think because I whine about the kitchen and stuff that I'm
actually against you or our parents being Jewish (although it can get a
little unnerving at times.. heh). I personally however, believe that man
made god, not the other way around. Because of this, there isn't a "true
God" as you may believe, however people interpret their lives in such a way
that they think there is one.

I personally think the religion and God are what you make of them. You've
found that praying and believing in God has made your life better, which is
great. However I don't believe religion and a belief in a God(s) will
necessarily make your life better. I personally get through my life using
gaming, my friends, and Jeni as sources of joy. Your source of joy is
Judaism. Mine will most likely never be Judaism, which I am perfectly happy
with.

Don't think that just because I don't believe in Judaism that I'm having a
life that is empty and that I'm missing out on something important. Religion
doesn't make one's life complete, _you_ make your life complete. If religion
is something that you truely enjoy and is a integral part of your life,
thats great. Just don't think that religion has to, or even can be an
intregral part of everyone's life.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm not against you in the least. I just want
you to realize that I can experience everything you have without using a
religion to do so. 'God' isn't just one being, it is whatever you want it to
be, including nonexistant.

Love (awww)
-Jon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And I was up until 4 am doing laundry and talking to Shlomo. Then I went to bed and then minyaning.