Because I'm an equal opportunity midrashicist (for ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
boroparkpyro)
Aug. 7th, 2006 09:31 amtheyellowhobbitAnd Joseph had two sons, Menashe and Efrayim. Menashe was the first born, but Efrayim was quite cool in his own right, even if he didn't like deli-roll.
And Israel beheld Joseph's sons, and said: 'Who are these?' And Joseph said unto his father: 'They are my sons, whom God hath given me here.' And he said: 'Bring them, I pray thee, unto me, and I will bless them.' Now the eyes of Israel were dim for age, so that he could not see. But he was still 'with it.'
And Israel brought Joseph's sons near unto him; and he kissed them, and embraced them...And Joseph took them both, Efrayim in his right hand toward Israel's left hand, and Menashe in his left hand toward Israel's right hand, and brought them near unto him. And Israel stretched out his right hand, and laid it upon Efrayim's head, who was the younger, and his left hand upon Manasseh's head, guiding his hands wittingly; for Manasseh was the first-born...And when Joseph saw that his father was laying his right hand upon the head of Efrayim, it displeased him, and he held up his father's hand, to remove it from Efrayim's head unto Manasseh's head. And Joseph said unto his father: 'You're blessing them wrong! Menashe is the eldest.' And his father refused, and said: 'I know what I'm doing. Didn't you see what Rivka and I did to steal Esav's blessing? I'll bless whoever I want to. Besides, I like Efrayim better.'
And he blessed them that day, saying: 'May God bless you with awesome musicality, the ability to not get lost, and many friends.' And he gave another blessing to Efrayim, saying 'May you stay on the path, and neither waver left nor right from it. And may you find shiny things in the earth.' And Efrayim grew up to be Modern Orthodox, but at night he becomes the H(h)areidi boogeyman.
And since then Menashe and Efrayim have been rivals, even though Efrayim didn't particularly want to be put above his brother.
Jacob had one last laugh, though. He decided to broaden his magic sheep multiplying trick and experimented on cats. And he created a race of cats in the land of Canaan able to take over the world. And the descendants of Efrayim have been allergic to this day. As have the descendants of Menashe, for that matter.
And Israel beheld Joseph's sons, and said: 'Who are these?' And Joseph said unto his father: 'They are my sons, whom God hath given me here.' And he said: 'Bring them, I pray thee, unto me, and I will bless them.' Now the eyes of Israel were dim for age, so that he could not see. But he was still 'with it.'
And Israel brought Joseph's sons near unto him; and he kissed them, and embraced them...And Joseph took them both, Efrayim in his right hand toward Israel's left hand, and Menashe in his left hand toward Israel's right hand, and brought them near unto him. And Israel stretched out his right hand, and laid it upon Efrayim's head, who was the younger, and his left hand upon Manasseh's head, guiding his hands wittingly; for Manasseh was the first-born...And when Joseph saw that his father was laying his right hand upon the head of Efrayim, it displeased him, and he held up his father's hand, to remove it from Efrayim's head unto Manasseh's head. And Joseph said unto his father: 'You're blessing them wrong! Menashe is the eldest.' And his father refused, and said: 'I know what I'm doing. Didn't you see what Rivka and I did to steal Esav's blessing? I'll bless whoever I want to. Besides, I like Efrayim better.'
And he blessed them that day, saying: 'May God bless you with awesome musicality, the ability to not get lost, and many friends.' And he gave another blessing to Efrayim, saying 'May you stay on the path, and neither waver left nor right from it. And may you find shiny things in the earth.' And Efrayim grew up to be Modern Orthodox, but at night he becomes the H(h)areidi boogeyman.
And since then Menashe and Efrayim have been rivals, even though Efrayim didn't particularly want to be put above his brother.
Jacob had one last laugh, though. He decided to broaden his magic sheep multiplying trick and experimented on cats. And he created a race of cats in the land of Canaan able to take over the world. And the descendants of Efrayim have been allergic to this day. As have the descendants of Menashe, for that matter.
