YK update

I did it. I led YK mincha. Did I get my voice back? Only partially.

Basically, I talked to the gabbaim last night and said "Hi. I sound like this." ("this" wasn't very pretty...) To which they said "don't worry, we don't care, you can still lead if you feel comfortable doing so." So I told them about my Thursday escapade and not talking at all, and how today I was at least better than that, and that hopefully my voice would be less bad on Saturday.

So today I got there at the beginning of shacharit. I.C. did a really good job. (And of course, he has a beautiful voice, so it was easy enough for him to say that it didn't matter how I sounded as long as I focused on the words! Let him say that when he sounds like I do!)

Anyways, I told them that I would make the decision at the end of mussaf. As the mussaf service was going, I found myself being somewhat able to sing the responses. And I also realized that however upset I would be at leading it sounding awful, I'd be more upset with not being able to lead at all. Thus I made the decision to lead.

Though I did have a bit of a theological struggle, in which I thought that mayve this was God's punishment, and that I wasn't worthy to stand before Him and lead the community in prayer, and that I shouldn't be egalitarian. Etc. I didn't really take this line of thought too seriously, though, because every time I've led services, it felt right. I have this amazing amount of kavanah when I'm leading davening, that unfortunately I can't usually get when I'm not leading, Jews in the Woods being the exception to this...

So mincha started. I thought I sounded like a strangled cat at the beginning. (P.G. said "strangled giraffe" but I said that I was too short to be a giraffe. Which he admitted was true. So strangled cat it is!) I had warned people beforehand that if they were going to SCM mincha, they would be hearing me sounding like this.

But once I got to the amidah (after a tragic, tragic rendition of the chatzi-kaddish. If DCP heard what I had done to his beautiful nuisach, I think he would have cried. Actually he wouldn't have, since he's a lot nicer than I am, but if it were my nuisach and me hearing myself butcher it, I would have cried) I let go of all of my inhibitions, and just sang. There were many points where I couldn't hit notes and had to improvise on the spot (and I cringed at those) but overall it was good. Not "good" in the sense of pretty. It was very un-pretty. But it was very meaningful. Which I guess goes to show you that kavanah is more important than aesthetics. Though I didn't actually "learn my lesson" so to speak, and I'm still bothered when people sing tunes wrong. Not with people with bad voices, just with incorrect melodies. (Which happened with Marei Cohen today...)

And then people came up to me afterwards and thought the hoarseness was due to me being hungry, thirsty, and exhausted. And they were amazed to find out that I was none of those three things during Yom Kippur. I fast YK well, even if I can't fast the minor fast days and do Tisha B'Av painfully. So it really was just me being sick.

I also completely threw my voice out the window with that service. Which would be fine, but I'm also leining 4 chapters of Kohelet (Ecclesiastes) on Saturday. I have to learn the trop. So I'll be listening to online recordings until I get it down. It shouldn't take too long.

There was a break the fast meal hosted by Harvard Business School. It was in this huge opulent ballroom, which I thought was a function room that they rented out. Turns out it's their dining hall! I only saw this part of campus at night, but it was beautiful. I might go back during the say at some point and take pictures.

currentlee's cat seems to be trying to catch something. She was jumping up in the air...upon further inspection it seems to be a piece of string. No wait, a twist-tie. I should get that away from her at the first opportunity, so she doesn't try to swallow it!

She just let me scratch her head without trying to kill me. The apocalypse is coming!